1. I WAKE UP TO A NIGHTMARE
HIS ARMPITS IN MY FACE
IT'S MAKING GASTRIC NOISES
AND STINKING UP THE PLACE
HIS TEETH ARE IN THE COFFEE CUP
ON THE NIGHT STAND BY MY BED
THERE'S A SMELLY OLD GYM SOCK
ON THE PILLOW BY MY HEAD
A HOLEY PAIR OF UNDERWEAR
IS HANGING ON THE DOOR
A PEPPERONI PIZZA IS LYING
FACE DOWN ON THE FLOOR
I PUT MY FEET AGAINST HIS BACK
AND GIVE A MIGHTY KICK
HE CRAWLS OVER TO THE BATHROOM
AND HE'S IN THERE GETTING SICK
CHORUS:
THERE'S A NIGHTMARE IN MY BATHROOM
AND ITS SUCH A SCARY SIGHT
THERE'S A NIGHTMARE IN MY BATHROOM
AND ITS SUCH A SCARY SIGHT
THIS CREATURE'S NOT THE SAME GUY
WHO TOOK ME HOME LAST NIGHT

2. HE STUMBLES FROM THE BATHROOM
WITH HIS FINGER UP HIS NOSE
IT'S SHOVED UP TO THE KNUCKLE
I WONDER WHERE IT GOES
I GOTTA GET HIM OUTTA HERE
BEFORE ITS LIGHT OUTSIDE
CAUSE IF THE NEIGHBORS SAW HIM
I’D CONSIDER SUICIDE
I SUDDENLY REMEMBER
IT WASN'T AT THE BAR
I MET HIM DOWN ON THIRD STREET
HE WAS BARKING AT THE CARS
I GRAB A DRIED UP SOUP BONE
FROM THE DOG DISH ON THE FLOOR
HE GOES RUNNING OUT TO FETCH IT
AS I FLING IT OUT THE DOOR

(REPEAT CHORU